Oh yes, I am alive. I haven’t blogged in what… 3 days? Funny how people think something horrible must have happened to me. Okay, not “ha ha” funny… weird funny, interesting funny. But no worries, I am alive still.

I can honestly say that I don’t feel like I can enjoy writing here any more. This was supposed to be my own space where I could talk about whatever I want to but I am constantly worrying over content and what certain parties are going to complain about next. I’m not a complete idiot and I understand that Hailey’s grandparents have concerns. But what I don’t understand is their need to come to my blog to see if there is anything else they can try to take completely out of context to use against me in court. It’s not fair. I don’t go to Les’ MySpace and complain about it or Joe’s or Shawna’s. That’s their area. I think everyone is entitled to a little space.

So that’s why I’ve slowed down. Who knows what they are planning to use. So I just haven’t felt like updating (and apparently every time I write a blog, someone actually charges me in order for them to read it and it’s making me very upset). But here’s an update anyways because I believe in free speech and I am a stubborn ass.

Hailey

Had visitation with Hailey on Saturday. For some reason, it felt like it had been months since I’d seen her. In fact, the weekend before that I thought it was time with her and I got really upset when I realized it had only been a week. I don’t even feel like I can discuss my own daughter here any more. If I talk about how I’m feeling, they’ll just run to their lawyer and throw a fit about whatever they come up with. Then someone will have to come here and apparently read the blog for themselves thus costing money, stress and more nonsense.

Sometimes I want to literally just yell at these people. I’m so emotionally drained and it isn’t fair. I don’t know if this was all supposed to be some kind of punishment or what, but I’m tired of it. I served my time.

Hailey and I had a great time nevertheless. It’s been brought to my attention that a complaint was made about Charlie being around Hailey which has me beyond my own comprehension of infuriated. For those that don’t know, it was decided by the judge of the last hearing (against the recommendations of the GAL and well.. pretty much everyone involved) that Charlie be allowed “no significant contact with Hailey”. It wasn’t because of anything he did wrong… the judge decided that Hailey was to have no significant interaction with any male I wasn’t related to or having a permanent relationship with, ie married to.

So fine. No problem. It absolutely destroyed Charlie. He loves Hailey so much. But we’ve followed that rule. Charlie and I are married now and yet, we continue to follow that rule. The only interaction he has with her is when he provides the transportation for visitation and I was told that that was perfectly acceptable. He eats lunch with us and otherwise, he goes next door and stays there. They can’t possibly expect him to not eat here… he lives here! No order can change that. And eating lunch with someone isn’t what I would consider significant contact.

But anyways…

I accidentally brought her back a little early. Charlie usually puts the car seat into the car for me so I don’t have to spend time doing that but he’s working day hours now and he had to leave for work hours before I had to leave to take Hailey back. I usually leave about 6pm because I have to go to BiLo and pick up a money order for child support. I typically get paid late Friday night so it’s just how things work out. But anyways… I got Hailey ready to go a little early because I had to do the car seat. I changed her, fixed her hair and got her shoes back on. Charlie’s mom watched her for a few minutes while I got her seat in the back of the car. I didn’t really look at the time and I guess it didn’t take as long as I was expecting it to. So, we left and we got to Charleston like 20 minutes early. Oops

I got absolutely eaten alive while standing outside, chatting with her grandparents. I knew I’d got bitten but little did I know that I had been bitten 12 times on my left leg and 10 on the other as well as 4 times on my right arm and 3 on my left. Yes.. I wish I were exaggerating. It has been so horrible. I’ve been scratching like crazy and trying hard not to. I hope Hailey didn’t get eaten up too bad. Poor baby girl.

Charlie

Oh my dear hubby. Charlie got an accommodation at work. He even got a little prize for good customer service. That’s great… But I’m totally pissed off because just a few months ago (if even that long ago) he was given the job of training a couple of people and a customer complained about a call and even tho it was completely crap, Charlie was taken off of training people and it goes on his record. So now… he gets an accommodation for good customer service!? I don’t get it. I hate AT&T.

Speaking of AT&T… It’s all going downhill. They are getting less calls and really not doing well. It started with them cutting hours of operation. That’s why Charlie doesn’t work that late shift any more – it’s because they aren’t open during those hours now. Now they are offering people half days, then full days and now weeks of unpaid time off work because they don’t need people working. It’s completely voluntary now, but if enough people don’t take it it will be forced on people.

This really isn’t good. We can’t afford for Charlie to lose his job. I’m really stressed out about it. He’s looking for a different job now and I’m trying to help him. I told him that I don’t care where the job is. It’s time we think outside of the box. Trouble is, we can’t go far. There are so many great opportunities but I can’t leave SC right now. It’s absolutely not an option. And that is really upsetting because if we had Hailey, we could go wherever we wanted and really have a nice life. We’re just really not getting very far being in Cordova. The job market is non-existant and AT&T is the place everyone works. I told Charlie so long as it’s in the state… take it.

Me…

I’m not doing so well. I’ve still not adjusted to my medicine if there is even such a thing as adjusting to beta blockers? A friend of mine told me she’s been on them a long time and has never adjusted. I said I’d give it a couple of weeks before I called the doctor. I know it takes time. But man does it suck in the mean time.

I constantly feel tired. My eyes are sunk in and I have bags under them. And despite feeling so tired, I have been waking up constantly at night. Okay, so some of it is Patches sitting on my head, nipping at my toes or whatever. But most of it is just me waking up. It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s also making certain foods and drinks taste like poo. It started with Mountain Dew and I assumed it was just a weird bottle… ya get those from time to time. But even my tea tastes terrible and some foods don’t quite taste right. This is ridiculous… it’s only 10mg of Inderal. It shouldn’t have such crazy affects on me.

Worse… I don’t even know if my medication is helping. I had such a bad fainting spell last night in the kitchen that it kept happening over and over as I struggled to make my way to a counter for support. It scared me so badly that I started crying afterwards. It’s the worst one I’ve experienced by far. I’m just glad Charlie was here to hold me and make me feel better. And if the medicine isn’t working… then I’m just feeling like shit for nothing. Great.

So basically I’m a zombie and I feel like total crap. I’m stressed out, emotional, tired and nauseated. No… I’m not pregnant. Glad I’m not, but at least if I were I’d have a more appealing excuse for all of this. haha

The Animals

Patches is doing well.. growing like a weed. She’s been in a lot of trouble this week especially. She’s just being a naughty kitty and testing the boundaries. She keeps getting on the dinner table and she knows better. It’s a bad habit that Cinders taught her because he does it too from time to time. She also needs to learn when it’s human sleeping time because she bothers me at night. She just wants so badly to be close to me. She wants to snuggle.. which apparently means sitting on my head or constantly being up at my face. She has slept on my back a few times too. I don’t mind… if she’d just sit still.

Cinders is still doing well with her, although he has been really rough with her the last few days. She’s been super active and Cinders is just like “I’m too old for this shit…” and he knocks her around. I’ve had to fuss at them both to cool it because Patches has gotten hurt. Her own fault… she’s a little instigator.

Flora.. well, she’s just Flora. She eats, she sleeps, she goes outside…. mostly sleeps. She doesn’t really play with Patches. Then again, she doesn’t play much with Cinders either. I think once Patches get a little older and gets out of the “OMG I’m a kitten and I must play all the time!” phase, Flora and Cinders will have more time for each other.